Thalia @ Pictures in the Words

I’m not yet sure how to put my thoughts into words–but my friend is leaving on vacation tomorrow and I’m lending her my copy, so I need to try and do it while I still have it with me–and all the sticky notes I’ve made along the way. I’m still…not quite sure how I feel. But three stars? It must be the apocalypse. On the very rare occasion, I’ve given a couple Clare books four stars–Clockwork Angel and City of Fallen Angels just weren’t exactly as amazing as I’d hoped they would be, but I still enjoyed them. I still cared. So three stars? I’m not even sure how it was possible. I’m the last person on earth one would expect to see even a mildly negative rating of a Clare book from. Because, I’ll be honest…Cassandra Clare is my writing idol. All I’ve ever wanted from my own writing was to be able to make people feel the way she was able to make me feel. To write words and change someone’s life, to make them want to hold themselves together because it hurts in such a deliciously beautiful way. She inspires me, because she makes me realize it’s possible to achieve something like that. And this is like…having your mentor, the person who helped shape who you are, turn around and bitterly disappoint you.This book is not what I was expecting it to be. Nor what I wanted it to be. I waited more than a year, in earnest, for the release. I’ve had it preordered for months. Words couldn’t describe the dread that filled my heart when I even thought about it–about how in the world any of this could have a happy ending. I always expect tragedy from Clare’s books, because that’s what they have always done to me. Ripped me apart and shattered me until I am nothing–only to slightly rebuild me in the end, and give me mostly bittersweet endings. And even now, to not be raving and squealing with delight–it physically hurts me to not be overwhelmed with amazement. It hurts to think that this could have happened–that I could feel so betrayed. And so far, this review makes no sense at all–but I guess that happens when you only have a few hours to process before being forced to put your thoughts into words for everyone to see. When I’m still not even sure how I feel. And, goodness, I’m actually going to cry. I’m going to cry while writing this, because I wish I could beg for time to be rewound and not read it. To live in that dream state where I imagined everything it would and might be…it was better than this. This world where Clare is not my hero at the end of the day is a world that doesn’t make sense–it doesn’t make sense to me that I want to cry because it hurts like the deepest betrayal, and not because it was beautifully heartbreaking. None of it makes sense to me at all.But I’ll do my best to make some sense, just for a little while.Read more?http://thaliasbooks.tumblr.com/post/46058541611/clockwork-princess-review